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$700 billion to bail out banks is enough to fund complete medical care for every man, woman and child in the US for 11 years!!

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

What's a Billion? A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

What's a Billion? A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

What's a Billion? A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

What's a Billion? A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

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TO DO: Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, 'Rock Hard'.

TO DO: Call the psychic hotline and just say, Guess.

TO DO: Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

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TO DO: Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

TO DO: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

TO DO: Sing along at the opera.

TO DO: Specify that your drive-through order is to go.

AT WORK: Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does.

AT WORK: Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

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AT WORK: Tell your boss, It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do.

AT WORK: Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say Sorry, I really prefer it this way.

AT WORK: When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!.

AT WORK: To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

AT WORK: Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye.

AT WORK: Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

AT WORK: Run one lap around the office at top speed.

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AT WORK: When someone asks you to do something, ask if they want that super-sized.

When On An Elevator: Call out, Group hug! then enforce it.

When On An Elevator: Swat at flies that don't exist.

When On An Elevator: Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

When On An Elevator: Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

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When On An Elevator: Say, DING at each floor.

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When On An Elevator: Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: You're one of THEM - and back away slowly.

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When On An Elevator: MEOW occasionally.

When On An Elevator: Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

When On An Elevator: Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

When On An Elevator: Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask, Got enough air in there?

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IN THE NEWS: Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

IN THE NEWS: We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

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IN THE NEWS: The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

IN THE NEWS: The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Smith, who died the 19th to accommodate his relatives.

IN THE NEWS: Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

IN THE NEWS: Mrs. Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

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Actual headline: Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]

Actual headline: Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Actual headline: Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]

Actual headline: Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!]

Actual headline: If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]

Actual headline: Two Convicts Evade Noose; Jury Hung [Glad I wasn't on that jury!]

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Actual headline: Police discover crack in Australia [:-)]

Actual headline: Judge to rule on nude beach [Lucky guy!]

Actual headline: Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years [Must be a cat!]

Actual headline: Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted [For what?]

When you ask questions, you're demonstrating your interest and giving the other person a chance to explain.

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When you ask questions, you are showing your respect for the speaker and the topic.

It's good to be a little dumber than everyone else so you're not such a know it all. People tell you things and help you.

You get to choose the thoughts you want to have as your beliefs. Then you impress these on your subconscious. And then you succeed.

Setting goals is what the conscious mind does. ACHIEVING goals is what the subconscious mind does.

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Recipe for success: Believe in your vision and act accordingly to create habits that fulfill your desires.

Habits are thousands of times stronger than desires. You create new habits from belief and action.

Think of confrontational people as irate customers rather than adversaries... this way you don't take it personally.

Do you think there is an aspect of your business that would help me in mine? What?

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Don't pretend to know what people are talking about. Instead ask the simple questions. You'll become the most respected person in the room.

If you have high energy, people notice you. If you have humility, people like you. If you have both, you're irresistible.

Beliefs win out over desires every time. What do you believe? Why?

A great person shows greatness by the way he or she treats little people. -Thomas Carlyle

When you have something nice to say, SAY IT. And be specific. I always regret it when I hold back from praising someone else.

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I met a lady today who looked right at me and took such an interest in me... note to self... do that for others. Feels GOOD!

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Do you focus on creating a bond with people, or impressing them? What's your secret for making new friends?

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I hate asking for help. I'm lousy at it. Yet, the times I do manage to ask, I never regret it, and I'm often very glad I did ask. You too?

Avoid negative people. At all costs.

Never talk openly about people you dislike. It accomplishes nothing and you look bad.

Sidestep or ignore people who hurt you. Imagine they have made you stronger and more resourceful (they have.)

Try asking more questions and making fewer statements. See what happens. I dare you.

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Develop a reputation for telling it like it is. You'll astonish people.

Develop a reputation for loyalty and honesty, and you'll never lack for friends.

Look better and act dumber than your competition. Be the real, authentic human being your customers can relate to.

The more you take responsibility for your own life, the better life you'll have.

You cannot achieve a goal that you believe you cannot achieve. Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.

Your biggest obstacle? Believing you can't do it or it can't be done.

[Blog] Varicose Veins: The New Self Help Series: New http://ping.fm/u8Ofy

By the time you're 17 years old, you've heard, No you can't 150,000 times, and Yes you can 5000 times. That's 30 no's per yes.

State your goals in the PRESENT. Your subconscious does not perceive past and future, only what is happening NOW.

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Thought habits become attitudes and beliefs, which determine where you're going in life. So what are you in the habit of thinking about?

What is the unluckiest thing that has happened to you in the past week?

Actual headline: Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter line [Now THAT's a LONG line!]

Actual headline: Prostitutes appeal to pope [Oh-kay...]

What is the luckiest thing that has happened to you in the past week?

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Actual headline: Iraqi head seeks arms [Picture that...]

The average person loses focus every 6-10 seconds. The subconscious brain loses focus NEVER. Learn to program your subconscious for success

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

Do you know a know-it-all? How do you cope?

The flashing warning light on the cylindrical Capitol Records tower spells out HOLLYWOOD in Morse code.

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.

Who have you complimented today? What did you say?

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny. (And is just as difficult to spend)

Six people work jobs. One decides to start a business instead. Now how many people work jobs? 6. Deciding DOING are 2 different things.

A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove. (So the dime is less groovy?)

Grudges hurt you, not the person you have the grudge against. Forgive, drop that baggage, and move on with a lighter load.

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside. (Eat your veggies, Timmy, there are hungry hippos out there!)

Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone. (They also invented chiropractors)

Look at all that you do have and think how lucky you already are.

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Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite. (Careful with the Planters!)

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Imagination is more important than knowledge. -Einstein.

Armadillos can be housebroken. (State pet of Texas)

Intuition is the direct perception of pure energy, and energy never lies. Listen to your intuition.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. (Who tried this??)

[Blog] Varicose Veins and Related Disorders: Used - * A clear account of current thinking in this field * Describes... http://ping.fm/LMu29

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

How to increase your own intelligence: Truly see the world through someone else's eyes and perceive it the way they do without judgment.

[Blog] Getting Well: Contents: What is Health; The Rationale of Disease; Compensation in Disease; Law Governs Disea... http://ping.fm/jiDSp

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Find three reasons to brag about your spouse/child/parent/sibling, and do it. Then tell them you did it. Make their day.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

#1 reason businesses succeed: Perseverance and dedication to a clear vision. #1 reason they fail: Giving up just shy of success.

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Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.

This is hysterical WEB SITE STORY http://ping.fm/HoCVF

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

Use analogies and hand gestures when speaking with people. Have energy. Be excited. They'll remember you.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

If you can make people feel great about themselves and meeting you, they're going to want to help you.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

How's your courage these days? Are you doing what's right? Or what's easy?

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I had amnesia once - maybe twice.

Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?

If you're interested, you'll do whatever is easy. If you're committed, you'll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.

Self-confidence is simply the ability to identify your strengths and attributes and to stick with them.

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Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

I like you just the way you are. I like everyone just the way they are. I bet you do, too.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

Get a kick out of being you. Be honest about who you are and try not to pretend you're what you're not. People love authenticity.

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One goldfish says to the other, If there's no God, who changes our water every week?

Nervous talking to people for the first time? Imagine they're in your living room, or guests on your talk show.

There is no I in Team, but there are four in Platitude-Quoting Idiot.

Your potential to achieve what you want is essentially w-i-t-h-o-u-t l-i-m-i-t. Digest that.

If we ever figure out how to preserve people, we'll really be in a jam.

I know what people are thinking as soon as I tell them that I'm psychic.

Your brain can perform ten QUADRILLION operations per SECOND... and you waste it on TV?

A cheetah clone was found slain at the city zoo. Police suspect a copycat killer.

Missing out on success? Maybe you need to FOCUS on one thing at a time. A light focused is a LASER that can cut steel.

I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.

My frosted flakes melted in the summer.

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Doctor, I have a memory problem! The doctor says, When did it start? Patient; When did what start?

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I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York.

I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.

If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?

I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me.

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Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

When at the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, I didn't get to where I am today by listening to people like you!

If at first you don't succeed, try left field.

Never go to bed angry; stay awake and plot your revenge.

Trouble writing? Forget grammar. Forget rules. Forget everything and just start writing without stopping. Magic!

Having trouble getting your writing done? First step: Just START. Start anywhere. You can decide later where the beginning is.

Don't be boring. NEVER be boring. Strive to be memorable in all that you do.

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Distinguish yourself from your competition in all of your marketing, public relations and promotional efforts.

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Be consistent or you'll confuse potential customers. Use the same USP on all of your marketing materials. Yes, ALL of them.

Dumb mistake: Following the herd. Instead, strive to be dramatically different. Let the others MOO, you're going to ROAR.

Dumb mistake: Lack of credibility with prospective customers. Instead, tell them WHY you are more qualified than competitors.

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Dumb mistake: Thinking prospective customers will read your mind. Instead, tell them EXACTLY what's in it for them. Think BENEFITS.

Figure out how to articulate your USP so that it is a mind-stopping thought. -Doug Hall

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Create the shortest, most distinctive unique selling proposition possible.

Who or what do your clients want to buy? Market yourself and your business that way.

Market yourself as a specialist. The more specialized you are, the easier it is to get clients, and the more you tend to make.

Actual headline: Drunks get nine months in violin case [Cramped in there]

Actual headline: Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead [Duh]

Actual headline: Include your children when baking cookies [What an odd ingredient!]

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Belief + knowledge + action = success.

Stop playing it safe, take chances in life, and instead of regrets you'll have soaring triumphs and a life worth remembering.

Gather up your resources, your childhood dreams, your talents and your vision and pour them into your business.

Do you enjoy wearing business attire, or working from home in your pj's?

Do you want to be famous in your particular field? What would that be like for you?

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Your potential and existing customers are really your business PARTNERS.

You can do what you thought impossible. Think about it.

Do you have limiting beliefs? Why?

Keep in mind... customers and clients KNOW when you value them... and when you don't.

Stay true to who you are, but also be willing to stretch... you'll be surprised how wonderful a good stretch feels.

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Always follow your inner voice that prompts you to speak to someone; words not spoken are sometimes regretted forever.

Stick to your integrity, speaking only the truth. This will open more doors than perhaps any other thing you can do.

If you're going to be known as an expert in your field, you need a body of work.

Don't TELL people you're the expert... SHOW them with your name in print.

Want to get past a gate-keeper? Have one of your personally autographed books for the big cheese you want to see.

Community or cause-related marketing is one of the easiest ways to get your business in the news.

Keep tabs on all the latest news in your field so you're always ahead of the curve. Your customers will trust you and rely on you for it.

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Are you active in your field's associations? Networking can gain you more business in a month than you get from advertising all year.

Are you always focused on SELLING? Try offering content instead. Set yourself up as the authority, and then business will chase YOU.

Watch the news, find stories that tie into your area of expertise, and send out appropriate press releases.

No amount of paid advertising is equal to being reported on by the media. Send out press releases whenever you can.

Your business is newsworthy... you just might not realize it. Find the angle and send out press releases.

Hello people...do this http://short.to/ielo

Write articles relentlessly for both online and offline publication. Always tie them back to YOU.

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Is this for real? Hope it works, I'm signing up http://short.to/ielo

Don't limit your newsletters to online. Have a print version you hand out and mail to anyone and everyone in your field.

If you don't yet publish your own newsletter, what are you waiting for? Start today.

I've loving this http://short.to/ielo

What's the big deal about being an authority in your field? Simple. Customers chase YOU, not the other way around.

This is a hoot http://short.to/ielo

Actual headline: Stolen painting found by tree [Tree promoted to sergeant!]

Twitter Dee Twitter Dumb Founded http://is.gd/1n9mb

Teach your topic. You'll learn more than your students, and you'll be recognized as an authority in your field.

Road to Twitter Heaven is Paved with Twitter Pennies http://short.to/ielo

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Speaking, even if it's just locally, establishes you as an authority in your field and gets you referrals.

Pennies from Twitter http://snipr.com/lr8nl

Publish or perish! Once you have your name in print, YOU are THE authority on your subject.

I know this sounds spammy, but Pennies w/Twitter http://snipr.com/lr8nl

What's YOUR Unique Selling Proposition? You know, that 30 second elevator speech of yours. I'd love to hear it.

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Have you written your first book yet? If you haven't, what are you waiting for? It's a great way to attract tons of new customers.

oh my gosh, this is a brilliant idea Twitter+Cash=Me So Happy http://snipr.com/lr8nl

Cultivate your own never ending passion, and you'll never dread work again.

Want Twitter to fall in love with your cash flow? http://is.gd/1n9mb

If you get mono twice, isn't that stereo?

Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, some of us would have never been born.

Want your Bank account to grow w/o effort? http://short.to/ielo

Happy July 5th!!!

Know what Twitter + Money Equals? Twoney Find out more http://is.gd/1n9mb

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You + Twitter + http://is.gd/1n9mb = Twitter Money / Twoney

It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

Finally a way to join Twitter with your income http://short.to/ielo

Actual headline: Teacher strikes idle kids [Get to work!]

Actual headline: British left waffles on Falkland islands [But did they leave syrup?]

You love Twitter You Love Cash Combine them http://is.gd/1n9mb

Vow to work with only the best clients, and you will continue to love your work without getting burnt out.

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At last there is a way to make cash on Twitter http://snipr.com/lr8nl

Position yourself as an expert in your field, and that's what you'll be

I'm making money on Twitter, you can too http://short.to/ielo

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