Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

He's a graduate of The Uncle Fester and Keith Moon School of hair styling.

Geez if you believe in honkus.

Friction can be a drag sometimes.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

I have friends who swear they dream in color; I say it's just a pigment of their imagination.

Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.

There's no future in time travel.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.

If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?

Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.

Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.